A question of Faith

When I was awaiting the detailed scan that would confirm that Bean had a problem or not I prayed so hard to God (as did an awful lot of people) that she would be ok....

I told a collegue at work that my biggest fear was that if things didnt work out and that we would lose her that I'd start blaming God and actually start questioning his existence and my faith.
How wrong could I have been. God didnt answer the prayer I prayed that week, he did however answer the following prayers from those around us and indeed from myself to give us strength to go on. I actually feel sorry for those with no faith. How could they get through times like this? We were 'cushioned' by prayer and it had a calming affect on us all. Prayer really does work. I will now make a conscious effort to pray for those who need and ask for it....no more empty promises of yeah I'll pray for you, only to forget. Having been on the receiving end I know how much the prayer is genuinely needed and how much it works. AT one point in my heart I knew God wasnt going to answer the original prayer. I remembered one time in Southampton, a young mother who went to the army had cancer and had been battling it and battling it. I prayed so hard that she would be ok. Not (if Im honest) because I would miss her as I didnt know her that well, but for the sake of her young daughter and husband. Needless to say that prayer also went unanswered in the way I wanted and she eventually lost her battle. God doesnt always answer prayer how we want but he always has his reasons.

On the day I delivered Bean me and Paul were talking and we came to the conclusion that God had a higher purpose for her, he had chosen us to make this beautiful angel for him so that he could take her by his side before she was born into this world. He needed someone so special and someone who had not been tainted with the evil of this world. Someone who had only known immense (and I mean immense) love.
Yes I'd rather God had let us have her all healthy but who are we to decide what God should and shouldnt do?
This was our only logical way of understanding the situation....why else would God allow us (and others) to conceive only to lose the baby before delivering? God needs his angels, and they cant all be ones who have lived on this earth.

All I can say is I havent lost my faith, it is my faith (and my family and friends) who have kept me going.
I just pray that God sees fit to now let us go on to have healthy children, he has our little angel by his side, let us have our own now.